I'm headed in to town. I bought my special underwear the other day and bought medium. No good. I have a LARGE ASS with a sign reading WIDE LOAD!
I like getting the bus, gives me time to relax and vape. I always go to the backseat on the right and I vape. I always panic that the driver will come throw me off but vaping isn't against the law.
If there's anybody in the seats in front of me or to the right I don't do it. Don't like to vape on people. Seems pretty rude.
Like now, there are people in my vicinity. So I'm not vaping. Just have to make do with the nicotine pouch in my mouth.
Still, it's nice to have some me time or more often than not, me and my guy time. I miss him even as I'm speaking to him. I so long for us to be together.
I think if I was actually on my own I would adjust but my mum is living with me, she's just asleep a lot. So in my mind there is somebody there but there's actually not.
Then with my guy. We have some strange relationship going on but at the same time, nobody is holding my hand.
I'm wondering why so many of us look online for love? Clubs and pub pick ups are often meant just for the night. I know things can develop after one night but what really do you know about these randomers?
At least online you can search for people with common interests. You can engage in banter and flirt your face off to someone who might well be the other half of you.
I think the real reason we try online is because we're so damn afraid of being rejected. Or we've been through our fair share of Beavis's and Butthead's.
If you're generally the initiator, you may be grateful you don't have to see your interests face when they think they're way too attractive and tantalising for someone like you! 🙄
We know these people whether you're male, female or non binary! Finding a love interest is difficult especially when you're insecure and caught up in your flaws.
Online dating allows you to present your best self. You don't have to worry about conversational blunders because you get to proof read your pick up lines and responses.
I like it because I'm terrified of any kind of intimacy and I'm throughly scarred. I was with my ex for about six years. During which he had an arranged marriage over my birthday.
My world fell apart and I lost care of my daughter because everything fell apart. There were other factors, mainly physical and it all added up to me being far too weak to fight.
So my guard is up. I want to develop things with my guy but who knows if we're ever even going to be face to face. I'm scared to, feel so damn inadequate. So online it is until (and if) he wants to delve feet first into the crazy that is me!