I can hear my ex boyfriend and his best friend torture my daughter out loud, like they're outside. I hear her through the headphones say we can trade places.
I can hear people around me talking about it and the captors exasperation at my lack of reaction. I hear my daughter sobbing and racked wails.
Here's the reason I'm not reacting. Let's say it's real, what in the hell could I do to change it. For one thing, I don't believe if it was happening they'd trade us places.
I believe they would lure me there and then they would have both of us. I'm like the USA, I don't negotiate with terrorists/hostage takers.
The other reasons I'm not reacting is that I spoke to my daughter at two am because it began last night. She was safe and well.
Also I've heard it too many times to ever trust my ears. How could I ever be sure? Background noises make it worse but I'm just rationalising it out.
Right now I am, who knows how much worse it will get. It sounds so real but I believe in God and I have prayed. All I can do is leave it with the Lord.
I'm not saying it's not hard it's gruelling but there is absolutely nothing I can do, real or not. I used to go out looking but let's say I found them? What then?
I have to accept my limitations and powerlessness.