I've been vile in the past. When I was high and in psychosis. I can't swear it happened but I can swear I have the memories.
I won't disclose everything for the sake of my family but it's more horrific than you're thinking. I found an illegal site and did disgusting things. That's all you really need to know.
That is why I'm so passionate about making a difference, that and the incident in the Becklin Centre. My past actions are abhorrent to me and I would give the Universe to undo them, but I can't.
I reported my actions when I was sectioned slightly after and I confessed to a Police Officer. The Police Officer said what happened in the privacy of my own home was my business and that if Mental Health Services hadn't reported it to the Police it meant I wasn't responsible for my actions.
I still feel pretty damn responsible. I wanted to be punished for my past. The Police Officer also told me there had to be a witness to accuse, you cannot be prosecuted just because you admit to doing something illegal. There had to be a witness or a victim or something. Which there was not.
Although I also admitted to stealing several thousand pounds from my own brother and all my previous fraudulent activities. Again there had to be someone to prosecute and my brother would never prosecute.
You may be wondering why I mention this in a free blog rather than a book where I would be paid or had paying subscribers. It's because I pursue but do not believe I deserve redemption.
The thing is these things happen all the time. Secretly. People pretend not to have or hide their dark side but I want my dark side to make a difference. I want websites with vile content to be blocked. You can't tell me it can't be done, just ask North Korea.
The fact is the internet could be policed but is not. That's BS in my opinion. So it's not being able to confess to an action and be prosecuted. Some of us want to make right our wrongs. How do you do that when everyone wants to give you a free pass because it's private or your mentally ill.
What I will say as I've said before, is , you cannot control what particular stimuli will cause your body, your hormones, will react to. Nobody can. Yet, we can control how we deal with it. The fact is taboo speaks to a lot of people but when taboos/fantasies are reinacted that's when it becomes extremely dangerous.
I have never done this but even if it's just one person, too many people do. I want to save any potential victims. I want to appeal to World Leaders to Police the Internet. I want reform on laws and practices that have such abysmal protection and when a prosecution does actually happen (which was one percent last time I checked).
No, enough. How can this happen in a civilised society? How can fraud carry a stronger sentence than crimes against one another in most particular sexual offences. This is disgusting to me. How can anyone hope to justify the unbelievable term a prosecuted perpetrator gets, or the ninety-nine percent of accused going free.
I'm not willing to wait to make money, should I ever, to raise alarm at how horrendous are societal behaviour is as a population. Why the population, because we are accepting the system the way it is. We have people in the Justice Department who apparently do not value the countless lives that are destroyed through sexually motivated crimes and the lack of accountability.
It's not just sexual but I was abused myself as a child and know well of the damage it can do to your life. Do you think victims really want to go through gruelling questions, examinations, and more when only around one percent are actually prosecuted. Then when the perpetrator goes free they get a pat on the back and the victim becomes tarnished and branded a liar.
In one of my friends cases she is believed to be a liar by her own family because no prosecution. We really need to open our eyes to the problems, instead our, it does not affect us attitudes.